Day One: Learning About Hunger
Welcome.
This is my blog about my journey on Weight Watchers SmartPoints program circa December 16, 2018. I am not paid by Weight Watchers or any affiliates and my opinions, musings, and thoughts are solely my own.
I always hoped I would start a blog to document my journey to health, wellness, and weight loss. I'm not sure why, my "successes" have dwindled considerably in adulthood. In my 20's it was very easy to lose extra weight with very little effort. Now, at 37, I have stagnated near or over 200 lbs for easily the past 5 years, probably longer if I'm being honest.
My weigh loss goals are realistic-I'm not concerned about my clothing size as that has proven to be subjective and varying depending on brand, store, and even style of clothes within the same store. I have become concerned with my overall outlook on myself. I don't feel comfortable in my body, in my skin. I feel every roll and bulge and fold on my fat and skin when I sit, lie down, and walk. I noticed how clothes hang (or don't hang properly) on my body. I notice body aches that never existed before and can't be explained away by age. Knees creaking, sore back, difficulty getting comfortable in bed, difficulty sleeping in general, increased mental symptoms (depression, anxiety).
On top of all of those very understandable concerns, I am facing major health problems if I do not manage my weight and relationship with food more carefully. I have borderline high everything: blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol, and triglycerides. Add difficulty managing stress and persistent diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and I am quite literally a heart attack or stroke waiting to happen.
Granted, its unlikely to happen at 37, but I said the same thing at 22 and vowed to myself to get this under control by my 30's. Now, I find myself making the same promises before I turn 40. What I have come to accept and realize is my body image and binge eating both compliment and provoke one another and this will likely be a battle for the rest of my life. And I'm okay with that, as long as I don't give up.
I am a food addict and compulsive overeater. I rely on food to numb my emotional and physical pain so I don't have to deal with real issues at hand. In my worst moments of binge eating, I have eaten to the point of physically sedating myself where I could no longer keep my eyes open and I quite literally passed out, only to wake up hours later with a "food hangover."
I am drawn to high fat and high sugar foods, because they send signals to my brain that imitate the same brain chemistry someone addicted to opiates experience. So, yeah, I am an addict in every sense of the word. I will be honest, I impulsively paid $20 yesterday to join Weight Watchers online through the WW app with little hope that it would actually work.
I shared this with my best friend, whom shares my binge eating and body image struggles but has recently lost a significant amount of weight and has been reaping the benefits of that weight loss. They have been an inspiration in so many ways, but probably the most profound way was to be an example of determination and dedication, while also being real and honest that in losing the weight, they did not automatically achieve nirvana like many of us expect. There are changes to the body that one cannot expect or predict, especially if it's been years since we have been at our goal weight.
So, I am documenting this journey for several reasons: to be authentic and honest about my experience, even when it's "real and ugly", to keep myself accountable to this lifestyle, to track how my experience may change my perspective, to share insights and stumbles, and (hopefully) connect with others who may have joined WW with the same reservations, but (like me) said "Why the hell not-it's worked before!"
So, here's to us doing the best we can with what we've got. Ps I AM hungry, but I'll be okay. Need to research some 0-2 SPs foods.
Mel
SW: 212.6
CW: 212.6
GW: 150
Current food intake of the day:
1/2 Bagel with 1 TBS butter and 2 eggs
Greens with 1 TBS Cowgirl Ranch dressing and 1/4C La Choy noodles
Grapes
2 prunes
2 slices of pizza
Total SPs: 32 (23 daily points/9 weekly points)
This is my blog about my journey on Weight Watchers SmartPoints program circa December 16, 2018. I am not paid by Weight Watchers or any affiliates and my opinions, musings, and thoughts are solely my own.
I always hoped I would start a blog to document my journey to health, wellness, and weight loss. I'm not sure why, my "successes" have dwindled considerably in adulthood. In my 20's it was very easy to lose extra weight with very little effort. Now, at 37, I have stagnated near or over 200 lbs for easily the past 5 years, probably longer if I'm being honest.
My weigh loss goals are realistic-I'm not concerned about my clothing size as that has proven to be subjective and varying depending on brand, store, and even style of clothes within the same store. I have become concerned with my overall outlook on myself. I don't feel comfortable in my body, in my skin. I feel every roll and bulge and fold on my fat and skin when I sit, lie down, and walk. I noticed how clothes hang (or don't hang properly) on my body. I notice body aches that never existed before and can't be explained away by age. Knees creaking, sore back, difficulty getting comfortable in bed, difficulty sleeping in general, increased mental symptoms (depression, anxiety).
On top of all of those very understandable concerns, I am facing major health problems if I do not manage my weight and relationship with food more carefully. I have borderline high everything: blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol, and triglycerides. Add difficulty managing stress and persistent diagnosed Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and I am quite literally a heart attack or stroke waiting to happen.
Granted, its unlikely to happen at 37, but I said the same thing at 22 and vowed to myself to get this under control by my 30's. Now, I find myself making the same promises before I turn 40. What I have come to accept and realize is my body image and binge eating both compliment and provoke one another and this will likely be a battle for the rest of my life. And I'm okay with that, as long as I don't give up.
I am a food addict and compulsive overeater. I rely on food to numb my emotional and physical pain so I don't have to deal with real issues at hand. In my worst moments of binge eating, I have eaten to the point of physically sedating myself where I could no longer keep my eyes open and I quite literally passed out, only to wake up hours later with a "food hangover."
I am drawn to high fat and high sugar foods, because they send signals to my brain that imitate the same brain chemistry someone addicted to opiates experience. So, yeah, I am an addict in every sense of the word. I will be honest, I impulsively paid $20 yesterday to join Weight Watchers online through the WW app with little hope that it would actually work.
I shared this with my best friend, whom shares my binge eating and body image struggles but has recently lost a significant amount of weight and has been reaping the benefits of that weight loss. They have been an inspiration in so many ways, but probably the most profound way was to be an example of determination and dedication, while also being real and honest that in losing the weight, they did not automatically achieve nirvana like many of us expect. There are changes to the body that one cannot expect or predict, especially if it's been years since we have been at our goal weight.
So, I am documenting this journey for several reasons: to be authentic and honest about my experience, even when it's "real and ugly", to keep myself accountable to this lifestyle, to track how my experience may change my perspective, to share insights and stumbles, and (hopefully) connect with others who may have joined WW with the same reservations, but (like me) said "Why the hell not-it's worked before!"
So, here's to us doing the best we can with what we've got. Ps I AM hungry, but I'll be okay. Need to research some 0-2 SPs foods.
Mel
SW: 212.6
CW: 212.6
GW: 150
Current food intake of the day:
1/2 Bagel with 1 TBS butter and 2 eggs
Greens with 1 TBS Cowgirl Ranch dressing and 1/4C La Choy noodles
Grapes
2 prunes
2 slices of pizza
Total SPs: 32 (23 daily points/9 weekly points)
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